i made my bed today it’s not a big deal unless you knew about the months i didn’t
SLOWLY
After the Rain
small mercies, after it all
Read it in the room, by lamplighthealing isn’t loud it’s noticing you laughed and not feeling guilty
i opened the curtains for the first time in a week the sun didn’t say ‘finally’ it just came in
some days getting up is the whole victory and that’s allowed
i heard our song in a café and finished my coffee anyway
you don’t have to be over it to be okay today
i’m not back to who i was i’m somewhere new and the light is nicer here
it still hurts but it hurts like a bruise now not like a wound
i took a walk with nowhere to be and for once my thoughts walked behind me
the first good day felt like a mistake the second one felt like a door
one day you’ll notice you haven’t thought about it in a while and it won’t feel like losing it’ll feel like air
i bought flowers for no one and put them where i’d see them when i wake up
slowly is still moving
i cried in the shower and then i washed my hair and then i went outside that’s healing too
i’m learning that rest is not falling behind
the rain stopped and i didn’t rush to say everything was fine i just opened the window
i used to count the days since now i count the good ones
it’s okay if you’re still a little in pieces pieces can still hold light
my friends didn’t fix me they just sat next to me until i could fix myself
today i answered ‘how are you’ honestly and the world didn’t end
you are allowed to outgrow the version of you that survived
i didn’t wake up healed i woke up a little less tired and i’ll take it
the hardest part was believing it could get better the second hardest was letting it
some mornings are soft i’m learning not to ruin them by waiting for the hard part
i planted something just to have a reason to check on it every day turns out it was me
i don’t miss the person anymore i miss the quiet and i’m finally getting it back
my heart isn’t broken it’s under construction and the noise means the work is happening
the sun came back like it always does no speech no apology just light
it gets easier not all at once but one day you notice you’re carrying it with one hand
i wrote down three good things today one of them was that i wrote down three good things
you are not behind you are healing on your own schedule
i stopped waiting to feel ready and started doing things a little scared
there’s a kind of peace that only comes after you’ve already lost the thing you were afraid to lose
the first time i said your name without my voice changing i knew
i still have bad days they just don’t get to stay the night anymore
healing taught me i can miss something and still not want it back
look how far you’ve come from the version of you who thought this was the end
i’m not the storm anymore i’m what grows after
some things end so you can finally hear yourself again
the world didn’t wait for me to heal and somehow that helped
i ate breakfast in the sun and for ten minutes nothing was wrong
a year ago i couldn’t imagine today and today i can’t remember why
i’m gentle with myself now the way i wish someone was back then
it’s okay to be proud of things nobody saw you survive
i’m starting to like the quiet it used to sound like loneliness now it sounds like room
the scar doesn’t mean it still hurts it means it healed
some days i still look back but i don’t walk that way anymore
i thought i’d feel something big when i was finally okay instead it was a tuesday and i was just okay
every morning is a small second chance and i’m finally taking them
after the rain the street smells new and for once so do i