we were never official so nobody brought me flowers when it ended
HEARTBREAK
You Were Never Mine
for the ones who stayed too long
Read it in the room, by lamplighti memorized your coffee order for someone who never learned my middle name
you didn’t break my heart you just held it loosely enough to let it fall
the worst part is that you weren’t cruel you were just never sure
i still wear your hoodie it stopped smelling like you weeks ago i just haven’t stopped checking
you said ‘let’s not put a label on it’ and i spent a year trying to read what was never written
i was a maybe to someone who was my definitely
we had a song you probably don’t even know that we had a song
i deleted your number but my thumb still knows the way to your name
you were the almost i compare every always to
it’s strange how you can grieve something that never even had a name
you came back every time i was finally okay like you could smell it
i didn’t lose you you can’t lose what you were only ever borrowing
i told my friends it was nothing so they wouldn’t see how much nothing can hurt
you liked my story at 2:14am and i spent the whole day translating it
the problem was never that you didn’t love me it was that you almost did and i lived in the almost
you were honest about not wanting more i just thought i could be the exception
i’m not waiting for you i just haven’t taken your chair away from the table
some goodbyes don’t happen they just stop being hellos
my phone lights up and for half a second i forget it can’t be you
i don’t hate you i hate that i would still answer
everyone says i deserve better nobody tells me how to stop wanting you
you were a chapter i kept rereading hoping i’d missed the part where you stay
i was easy to leave because i made it so easy to stay
half of loving you was explaining you to people who could see it clearer than me
the last time we didn’t know it was the last time i would have held on longer
you moved on like it was a door i’m still standing in the frame
it wasn’t love it was a waiting room and i kept thinking my name was next
you texted ‘we should hang out sometime’ and i’ve been free every day since
i was your ‘it’s complicated’ you were my whole simple answer
i knew it was over when you started typing ‘haha’ instead of laughing
you never said you loved me and somehow i still got my heart broken
i called you ‘a friend’ so many times i forgot we were supposed to be more
you were always ‘on your way’ and i was always already there
you remembered everything about me except that i was waiting
i gave you the version of me with the lights on you only ever came by at night
it’s hard to move on from someone you never technically had
we were close enough to hurt and far enough that nobody understood why it did
i saw you with her and the worst part was that you looked sure
you had a way of making ‘soon’ sound like a promise it never was
i loved you in drafts you only ever read the previews
you didn’t lead me on i followed you just never turned around
i was a ‘good morning’ you sent when you were bored
we never fought we never had enough to lose
i wanted to be your person you wanted a person and i happened to be there
you’re the reason i check who watched my story and hate myself a little every time
i kept the door open so long the whole house got cold
maybe it wasn’t the wrong person maybe it was the right person who just didn’t choose me
the almost followed me into every ‘actually’ that came after
you were never mine but for a while i was so completely yours